White coat. Heels.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
