Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
