I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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