Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
