a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
