I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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