If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
