I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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