I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my shit smells like andre
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
