i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
