I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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