I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
