It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
