Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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