I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
