I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
