Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Randomize
