i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
