It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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