i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
