I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
