Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
