Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
