you guys were way drunker than both of me
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
