So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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