my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
