So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
