I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
