I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
