respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It was confusing and full of hummus
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
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