At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
