i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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