Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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