Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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