I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
