Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
