He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
