I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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