The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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