If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
