You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
