You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
