The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
