Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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