Me too!
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
