I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
