i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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