In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
