my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
