i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
