i jhust puked up my retainher.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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